Why do many relationship fail? It’s because partners have different values, life goals and projects and don’t understand or appreciate projects of others. Being together is not just having passion, it’s not only physical side and mutual attraction, but it has also to do with your and your partner’s personalities on a deeper level.
Each person has a system of values and beliefs, different character traits, talents, behavior, temperament and a cultural background or backgrounds. Sometimes some of those factors can cause conflicts in a relationship.
You may think. What’s the hell is this value criteria, that you just want to be a good person. Wait a second, hold on… Values is one of the most important things. We behave and decide according to our values. It is what makes us set priorities in our life and what defines for us what is right and good and what is wrong and not good. If you don’t have a strong system of values, you will swim around in your life and find yourself in situations after which you will just regret or feel uncomfortable.
That’s why it’s very important from the beginning to define your own values. By the way I have a coaching program where I work through the whole value system.
A happy relationship won’t work if one of the partners doesn’t share or doesn’t try to understand. It’s a compromise of both and it what makes it beautiful.
On one hand when you start living together with your partner, you start learning more about his or her habits and you mutually adapt or change some things. You learn from each other together and develop. On the other hand if you constantly struggle with your partner or boyfriend /girlfriend about daily things, activities, habits and or criticize, it can bring conflicts into your relationship and cause problems if not at once than later. All what we perceive, our heart and mind grasp, but sometimes we keep this information and emotions in passive or don´t digest and work through in time. When it accumulates, it can produce an attack or so called chain of negative reactions. For example, when you have a repetitive situations where you feel disappointed, there will come a time when you start to expect negative reaction, because you get used to such behavior of your partner or because you have accumulated anger that suddenly makes you feel bad about anything that you don’t like what you partner says or does. That´s why it’s very important first to learn to communicate your thoughts, emotions and worries to your partner in a delicate way so that you can discuss the situation and see how you can come to an agreement. You have to understand that you and your partner are two independent people and respect each other’s opinions and interests. You never know how much it can hurt another person if you get sarcastic all the time about something that is important to the other. Respect and encouragement is a significant element of a healthy relationship. If I ask you with which type of people do you want to surround yourself: with those who constantly criticize you or those who motivate you? Of course with those who motivate you, from whom you can learn something or with whom you can share something, have a nice time and enjoy their presence.
I’m sure that many of you know this quote by Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
If you partner makes you feel bad, it means that something is wrong. Maybe you have to talk and change something in your relationship or separate. In both cases it’s okay. What I often see in my clients that they get very passionate about their partners and forget to love themselves which is very important. When you love yourself, you attract love into your life and you feel better. Especially for women: make yourself beautiful, put some nice perfume, just for yourself. Don’t worry, you will attract enough men, and hopefully choose the right one for you. Please, love yourself.
The strength comes from within yourself. It´s a very common misconception about loneliness. Many people fear to be alone, because they feel not complete without a partner, or because they are scared to be responsible for everything and do it all on their own.
The paradox here is if you want to have a fulfilling relationship, you need to be mature for it, you have to feel complete and strong enough to grow and develop further together. A healthy and flourishing relationship is a compromise between two people, who have decided to be together to share things, experiences and life goals in a couple.
There is an amazing concept that a woman should be like a rose, she should be beautiful and fragile like the petals of the rose, but also strong and powerful like the the rose’s thorns. It’s one of the principles of femininity.
If you want some more tips, here are few. Get to know your partner not only when being together, but when you go out, when speaking to others, how your partner behaves towards your friends and family.
I will write more about relationship topic and you can also send me an email with your questions, so that I answer them in some of next posts. If you need help in your situation, we can analyze concrete examples in a coaching session per Skype and I’ll be happy to help you.
Nobody is perfect, everything is relative. Beauty and happiness is something that you co-create together. You are an artist of your life and you can make with it whatever you want. Be your power, not your weapon, be the sun for each other, not a criticizer. It is better to be ironic instead of taking things too much too heart. You can make out of your life a tragedy, a comedy, a series of nonsense or a beautiful story. Be a good author for yourself. Don’t add chapters that you don’t want to read into your life’s book.
Love, light and flow.