Don’t look to be accepted by others, be accepted by yourself. You don’t need to please anybody or to show that you are worth, appreciate yourself. The way people treat you shows how they are and has nothing to do with your essence.
Search of acceptance is a very common habit of many people. Right from the childhood you learn that if you do this or that, your parents will be happy of you and you will be encouraged and if you do something that they don´t like, they will be upset or punish you. It´s something that people learn from their childhood and have in a certain degree. Then it transforms and develops. Each situation in life reveals it in your reactions: either you accept yourself or need more acceptance from others. And if you look for acceptance, people may start feeling them more important or speaking or treating you the way you don´t like or even hurt you.
Search of acceptance can be also expressed as a choice of words in answering other people. If you constantly feel that it makes you unconformable to communicate with this or that person or if you worry what other person will think of you, then take a vacation from your own preoccupations and efforts. It´s a hint to you that you should love yourself a bit more, be more relaxed, let things and people that don´t appreciate or respect you go.
Looking for acceptance is similar to looking for acknowledgement. For example, you want that people see how hard you are working, how talented you are, how dedicated to the job or project you are, how great artist you are… and so on. Then do you know those people who never show much of their work, but whatever they do is acknowledged by others without them making lots of efforts. Have you asked yourself, why should you work so hard and others just get it easily? The thing here is that everyone has an iceberg of hard work behind their backs, but not everybody shows it. Some people prefer to work it out in silence and impress by the results. On the other hand it has to do with self-esteem and self-acknowledgement.
Whatever you have inside, it reflects outside. The way you feel is the way you look. Whatever emotions you have, an observant person could read it from your face or see it from your mimic and gestures. Non-verbally you transmit a certain message about your inner state to the people that surround you. So if you doubt about yourself, others will doubt about you, though not everybody. If you wonder, why certain people treat you as they do, first of all, it shows how they are, what problems they have. It is also a hint to you, that maybe you were trusting too much to someone who doesn’t deserve it or that you have to appreciate yourself more.
You don’t need to be accepted by others, what you truly need is to strengthen your self-esteem and self-love.
Some people have a high self-esteem but still get into the situations that make them feel uncomfortable. Why? There are different reasons for this: it could be the search of acceptance, desire to share something, for example, your work with the wrong people and ambitions. It could be also inner conflicts that are not solved yet, that don’t affect much your reality and only appear in certain situation to remind you, that there is something for you fix yet.
Whatever happens to you, however you react it situations – it´s all a lesson of life to learn not to repeat it and it´s a part of the challenge that can hurt you and make you think.
Search of acceptance and self-esteem is a very vast topic and very often it has to do with many factors and very often it requires different solutions. Usually I analyze real situations with my clients to help them fix their problems. Some people can make it with general tips, others need a psychologist or a life coach to help them. If you feel that you need help, get in touch with me.